I’m sharing a slice of a free-write done last week because I love the way free-writing allows me to make new connections. Often, I choose to write heavy to live lighter because secrets burden the body and writing them down gets them out.
However, sometimes writing is simple, basic and playful. That too I appreciate.
When the pen is just going across the paper and there’s little time to worry, “Will this make sense or will anyone get what I mean?” the words just come and follow their own direction.
Last week I wrote about beach towels.
Here is a short snippet, without editing, to stay true to free-writing form and how it can be a little different than I’m trying very hard voice.
Sometimes it’s just fun.
Doubt, I used to think served me, like criticism and judgment. I tried to inhabit the mindset of any critic or detractor.
I was cynical, smart-mouthed and short.
I felt like a knife that knew it could cut with words and it wasn’t a weapon I used but one I sharpened.
I do not want sharp edges at midlife.
The silliness of joy, now, to me – is beauty, youth, vitality.
I am after the soft glow of ease and relaxed even if it means some of my edginess is done.
I want to be a towel spread out on a beach: used, useful colorful warming, drying -a soft base.
Not so rigid the warmth can’t be felt.
*I might rework it, add in how it shakes off the sand or other irritants, hangs out on a banister to dry in the sun and folds up neatly and easily to travel in a bag. Or not. Now, when I am doing laundry, like I was this morning, and folding up a beach towel, I smile. That’s enough.
Heal Write Now was created in 2014 to speak to what it's like to live, love & parent well with post-traumatic stress from the expertise of someone with personal experience - a voice rarely heard. Research is summarized research, survivors interviewed, quotes compiled and memoir & essays shared. There are no ads or even pop-up windows (too intrusive) and the content is all free for survivors because we've already paid enough. However, I'm a free-lancer, single mother & this is a one-woman operation. If you want to support my activism, advocacy, breaking the cycle and the silence, I will be grateful. In fact I invite you to do so if you wish & can. And thank you for visiting. I hope you come back. (If you don’t have a PayPal account, no need to sign up for one – you can just use any credit or debit card.) …OR, you can specify your own contribution amount.