My pets totally get the importance of rest. My dog and kitty turn it all over and surrender to sleep.
I LOVE sleep and how restorative it can be. Still, I often forget to submit to what I need.
When I first divorced and just could not possibly imagine how the rest of life would go or be after 19 years together with a soul mate and best friend… it was sleep that helped me.
On Sundays, when my daughter was with her dad, I’d crawl under the covers, coffee by my side and BOOKS and BOOKS and BOOKS.
There was the poetry, the Pema Chodron volumes and the self-help divorce and facing the past stuff for practical and emotional mending.
It was a hellish time but I managed. I got through. I survived. Most of the time I was filled with doubt.
Yet, those Sundays of built in sanctuary were a life raft. I didn’t have to be on for anything or anyone.
I could sleep and read and sleep and read and rest up and check out or fill up. I fed off those books and that time and I’m so grateful for the way the world slowed and I was able to catch my balance.
So if you are in a WTF or a I can’t even imagine moment or year – Please feed yourself the fuel that soothes you. Ingest and inhale and rest in whatever hope, inspiration and support you can.
It seems impossible and sometimes offensive when people say, “It will all be fine” or “Let go and let God” or whatever.
Know this, while in crisis, you don’t have to have some big and wise perspective when you are just holding on. You only have to keep holding.
The wise perspective, the “that was the time I learned whatever” will come, sure enough. LATER. Not now. So just grab your blankie and your thumb in whatever form they come (for me poetry, bed and iced coffee). Allow this. Gift this to yourself.
Know others were in the “I can’t even possibly figure out how to manage, afford, handle, figure out… X, Y or Z” and then somehow once or 100 times. I know I did and most of the time I was SURE I could not.
Which brings me to another reminder.
It will not stay this grueling so don’t try to be a super heroine either. Don’t save up the support for in case it all gets worse or harder. I did that. The thing is that the support will actually HELP that from not being necessary. The SUPPORT will help ease you out of a crisis.
But if you don’t believe that (and I can honestly say I did not), find whatever you do believe in and allow yourself. And then do it what feels ridiculously often.
Coffee. Poetry. Blankets. Bed. Naps.
You are not meant to suffer. You might be in pain or transition or angst. But it’s not because you are weak or bad or a screw up. You’re just human and sometimes that’s just astonishingly hard.
Allow yourself to rest up during and even after. Really.
You Matter Mantras
- Trauma sucks. You don't.
- Write to express not to impress.
- It's not trauma informed if it's not informed by trauma survivors.
- Breathing isn't optional.